We have many choices to make in life. Sometimes the choices are made for us and we are powerless to them. But, we can choose how we will let it affect us. In the end, when something bad happens, we have three choices, you can let it define you, destroy you or strengthen you.
I remember very clearly one night shortly after our girls were born. Livy had just come home with us from the hospital for a brief stay before we headed to Boston for a second opinion. I sat on the couch staring off not believing what had happened. Our little baby was not what we had expected her to be. I felt trapped, imprisoned and was sure that my life had ended at that moment. Life would never be the same again and I was forever changed, in a sad, terrible way. At that moment, this bad thing that had happened defined me and put me on a path I was terrified to face. I had become a depressed, scared, empty person and I wasn't who I used to be.
Time went by and Livy had her ups and downs. I tried desperately to find the happiness I longed for. We went through some of the darkest times in our lives when Livy had her second brain surgery and then once again during another hospital stay when we couldn't get her seizures under control. Looking back on it now, I can see how low to the bottom I had reached. Everything had come to a head. The sadness, exhaustion and hopelessness destroyed me, or at least it almost did. I no longer had control over my emotions and I didn't feel I had the strength to get through.
At last, as time has gone by and Livy has improved, I have been able to conquer my fears. I am finally at a point in life of acceptance. We will never truly understand why things happened the way they did for Livy but I can say without a doubt, I am who I am today because of her. My life's course has taken such a different direction but I can't imagine it any other way. On December 15, 2004, we were given two other beautiful, precious gifts. The gifts of resilience and strength. With this strength, I can wake up each morning and get through each day and hope to encourage others to make the right choice.
"We have two or three great moving experiences in our lives - experiences so great and moving that it doesn't seem at the time that anyone else has been caught up and pounded and dazzled and astonished and beaten and broken and rescued and illuminated and rewarded and humbled in just that way ever before."
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Read a column in Sunday's Globe by Beverly Beckham, whose first granddaughter was born with Down Syndrome. Bev had taken her to Disneyworld and the final paragraph said that her Lucy was who she is because she has Down syndrome. Taking it away would change her. Her spirit, her love of people, her innate, unselfish goodness. Lucy is now nine and I recall being touched by stories when she was born. You hit the nail on the head when you said acceptance is key.
I ALWAYS look forward to reading your "blogs"- Since I am NOT computer literate, I may be using the wrong wording, so forgive me - It atsounds me how much you ALL have grown with such grace, endurance, love and spirituality with NO REMORSE --------- ! When I look at other people with difficulties in their lives , and my own, NOTHING compares to what you are doing , not only for yourselves, but for OTHERS -
You are all very special in GOD'S eyes and hands .
Hi! I found your blog via Love That Max link-up and LOVE it!! I appreciate what you shared in this post and agree that acceptance is sometimes the hardest part of a child's diagnosis or needs. I'm looking forward to following along in reading your blog!
Ya'll continue to inspire me. My "troubles" seem so small and inconsequential when I think about what you went through and your continuous battles. I too am learning that acceptance is a true spiritual gift.