Holding Back On Big Expectations
Change can be a really good thing but it can be difficult too. This time of year brings on a change in all of our lives. So much excitement and build up for the first day of school. The night before, outfits are put out, backpacks are ready to go, lunch is made and we all imagine how the next day will play out. Hailey was bundled with excitement especially having learned she is in the same class as her best friend for the fourth year in a row. She had missed school a lot and was eager to get settled back in. I think the night before the first day of school is like Christmas Eve to her. This makes me so happy, I love that she loves school. Jon and I don't remember having been that eager!
As parents, we always wish for a great start to the new year. After we drop our kids off, we pray the day goes smoothly. We hope our kids like their new teacher, that the kids are nice, and that something fun and memorable happens that day. We will badger our kids with questions when they come home, trying to recreate their day in our minds.
Livy may or may not have known that school was approaching. We do think she senses change though and she can feel our stress and anxiety for sure. Yesterday did not start the way we had hoped for her. It is always an uncertainty as to how her day will be. In the mornings we can usually tell what lies ahead for her depending on how she is when she wakes up. Yesterday, she woke with a smile but soon after, she started having seizure clusters. I sat and debated as to what I should do. She finally settled down and we headed into school a little late.
I was more nervous than normal dropping her off yesterday because she was with a new teacher and aide. We had gone over a lot last week with the team about Livy and what to expect from her. But it was all new and I was worried. I went back to my van in the parking lot and sat for a while. I prayed she would get through the day and that I wouldn't get a phone call. When I went to pick her up, they told me she had two more seizures at school each lasting over 10 minutes. They were her more mild seizures and did not require a phone call to me. It is assuring that many people at the school are very familiar with her and they took very good care of her.
The day continued on and Livy had another seizure last night. We had a big line of storms come through as well and that always is a possible trigger. It was just not the best day for her and not that great first day that we had expected. This morning she is sleeping in and she deserves it (and needs it too). It is always hard to build up big expectations when it comes to Livy. That is why we just try our best to just go with the flow and take everything day by day.
Seizures are just wicked. As much as we have come to accept them and roll with them, they still just take so much away. I have no idea how they make Livy feel and I don't know how much she remembers when they occur. I hate their unpredictability and that they keep me so on guard all day long. Living with them is such a challenge and we would do anything to take them away.
Sweet Livy. I hope for a better day for you today. So many people think about you and pray for you all the time. We hold back on big expectations but we are always believing in you and loving you.
Yes. Exactly. I can so totally relate to what you are feeling. Prayers for Livy to have a better day!
my heart goes out to you Allison and Jon and Livy- so hard/so exhausting/so stressful -so painful for all of you-watching Livy go through all that she endures--and yet you overcome with love --God is with you---Love you all
Oh, Livy, our hearts are with you and your mom, dad, and Hailey. Has Hailey had her first day at school yet? So many schools start so early...hugs,